


A Million Reasons Why

by LindseyintheSkywithDiamonds



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben is a LIAR, F/M, I Don't Even Know, Love at First Sight, Married in Vegas (Jakku?), Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pretty Woman-Feels, Snoke is a dick (obvi), Why Does Everyone Want to Go Back to Jakku?, fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 16:46:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13345335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LindseyintheSkywithDiamonds/pseuds/LindseyintheSkywithDiamonds
Summary: A month after a chance meeting at the hole in the wall where she worked in Jakku, (Why the Hell was he there to begin with?), that one drunken night, and waking up to find out that she married Mr. Tall, Dark, and Dangerous, Rey goes to a party with her new husband.Only it turns out, he's left out a few tiny details about his life...Like his real name, who he actually is, and pretty much everything else.Oops.





	A Million Reasons Why

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something that has been rolling around in my head.
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> <3 Lindsey

She stood in front of the picture window, numbly watching the fluffy, white snowflakes fall from the sky to busy city streets so many stories below. Distantly she heard the sound of front door open and close, then the _click, click, click_ of his Italian leather Oxfords against the hardwood floors as he made his directly to her spot.

How did he always know where she was in his big, stupid apartment?

She continued to stare out the window as he drew nearer, ignoring the man standing behind and the familiar way her body grew tense with awareness anytime he was near. Like two magnets forced apart, the moment he stopped behind her she felt herself begin to lean backwards into the solid comfort of his chest. _No_ , she told herself, gritting her teeth and forcing her traitorous body to stand still. _Could you be more pathetic, wanting to be comforted by the guy who is the reason you’re upset?_

“Fuck, Rey. You’re shaking,” he said gruffly. Was she? She hadn’t realized. It probably wasn’t the best idea to walk the twenty-odd blocks back to his apartment in just her _ridiculous_ dress and _stupid_ high heels, but there was no way in Hell that she was going to go back into that party to retrieve her coat. A blanket was draped over her bare shoulders a moment later, big, warm hands carefully rubbing up and down over her frozen arms to chase away the chill.

Had it really only been a day since they stood in this exact spot, her palms pressed against the cold glass as he fucked her from behind and said he needed her, to stay, _please stay_? Her eyes scanned the spotless glass before her, searching for a smudge or fingerprint, anything left behind as evidence that the previous night had really happened. There was nothing, **of course**. His ever dutiful housekeeper would have already cleaned the windows.

The only dirty smudge in Ben’s life was Rey.

“Please say something,” he whispered. She felt her a lump form in her throat from the plaintive tone of his plea. She imagined an invisible hand wrapping itself around her pale throat, fingers biting into skin. _Squeezing..._

This wasn’t _fair_. It was **Ben** who lied to her, who humiliated and hurt her. This was **his** fault, not **hers**. What right did he have to sound so upset? And why did she even care?

Like smoke before fire, Rey felt the telltale pressure forming behind her eyes. _Get ahold of yourself_ , she told herself, shutting her watery eyes before any stray tears could escape. With her eyes closed, she imagined that the world around her stopped in place-- Ben’s hands, all the cars and people crowding the city streets beneath them, the falling snow-- everything stopped. She visualized the hand around her throat disappearing, the pressure behind her eyes fading, her furiously beating heart slowing down...

_Breathe..._

One.

Two.

Three.

In through the nose--

\--hold--

\--out through the mouth.

Repeat.

One.

Two.

Three.

_Just breathe._

(It was a trick that she taught herself when she was a scrawny, little kid living in the group home, before she learned how to defend herself, that is. The only thing bullies like more than an easy target is making someone else cry.)

She didn’t know how long she stood there focusing on her breathing; it could have been an hour or maybe just a few moments, (probably the latter, considering Ben just continued to gently rub his hands over her blanket covered arms without saying another word. A patient man, he was not.) Eventually, she felt the pressure let up on her eyes and throat, allowing her to open her eyes and speak without fear of embarrassing herself.

“I think it’s time for me to go home.”

As _**expected,**_ her emotionless statement triggered an instantaneous response in Ben. She felt his body go rigid, his thick arms and chest tensing up. The hands that had been soothingly traveling over her blanket covered limbs paused on her upper arms, gripping the flesh a little too tightly, as if he thought he could keep her from leaving if he just held on tightly enough. It only lasted for an instant before he relaxed his hold and continued to stroke her arms, but Rey could feel the difference in his touch. While before he had been uncharacteristically gentle, obviously uncertain with how she would respond to being touched when upset, now it felt like he was actively trying to keep his movements relaxed, oblivious to the fact that the tension in his palms was giving away his act.

“Rey, I know you’re pissed at me. I’m an asshole. But, you can’t just run away the first time things get a little hard,” he said, the temper that he was trying desperately to hold in seeping out and tainting his cool tone.

Oh, how she **_hates_** him in that moment-- acting as if to leave would be cowardly. **Of course** , he would try to deflect and push her until she snapped. Because that’s what they did to each other, they would just push and push until they fought and fucked and forgot until the next time.

Not this time.

“Look, this thing we’ve been doing has been fun,” she announced, “But, we both knew it wasn’t real-- tonight proved that. I think it would be--”

“No, fuck that!” he barked, spinning her around and crowding her into the window behind her. “You’re not going to act like this has been fake and you’re not fucking leaving!”

Well, at least she tried to stay calm.

“Get your God damn hands off of me,” she snarled.

For what it’s worth, he seemed appropriately chastised by her venomous words. Through narrowed eyes, she watched the way his mouth fell open and eyes widened fractionally, shame replacing the wild look on his face. Pursing his lips and averting his gaze, he reluctantly raised his hands and took a step backwards, giving her space to fume.

“I apologize. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You’re a monster,” she growled, “but, you don’t scare me. Get out of my way.”

Aaand just like that, the snarling beast was back.

“Why? So you can go back to working in that shit-hole bar in Jakku?” he snapped, once again latching onto her hand as she tried to shoulder past him. Rey let out a furious noise, something between a squawk and a growl, and tried to shove him off just to be whirled around and captured again.

“Would you let go of my hand?!”

“Stop trying to run away!”

“Stop manhandling me!”

For a moment, they just glared at each other, both steaming and furious. It was Ben who finally spoke first. “I’m trying to apologize. Would you just stay still and listen for a second?” Realizing that he wasn’t going to get any more of an answer than a set narrowed hazel eyes, he sighed and continued, “Snoke-- that older guy that you were talking to at the party? He’s my lawyer. He was the one who taught me to lie about my name and who I really am. You have to understand that as soon as people find out who I am they-- they change. Everyone has always tried to get close to me, to use me, because of my family,” Ben explained, lifting his hands from her arms to frame her face, “But then I met you... and you didn’t know who I was-- or you didn’t care. And you were so beautiful and so perfect. I knew I couldn’t leave Jakku without you, but you were too smart to run away with some guy you just met. Then we got so drunk that night and just marrying you so you had to leave with me seemed like the perfect answer. I never thought you would actually do it.

It was so stupid-- to fucking marry someone I just met, with no prenup, who didn’t even know who I really fucking am. If you were anyone else, you could’ve ruined me,” Rey watched as his eyes roamed over every inch of his face as he spoke, briefly settling on her mouth as his thumb reached over to trace her bottom lip, before finally looking into her eyes again, “You still could. Sweetheart, I am so sorry-- Fuck, I don’t even know how to articulate how sorry-- just-- just please don’t go.”

The tears that Rey had been so determined to hide before were falling freely now. She was still angry, so angry. She still wanted to run away, to go home and act like she had never met this stupid, impossible man. But, for the life of her, she couldn’t look away from those sorrowful brown eyes even if she wanted to.

“You lied to me.”

Ben swallowed and closed his eyes, a few tears of his own escaping as he nodded his head, “Yes.”

“And you embarrassed me,” she continued, steadfastly ignoring the way her voice cracked.

A wince, then another nod, “Yes.”

Her heart felt like it was trying to claw it’s way out of her chest. Looking into his eyes, so close, both of them openly crying... This was too much. Too personal. She didn’t want to keep putting words to what he had done to her. She wanted to run away. Go home. Go anywhere. Anywhere that was here, looking at him. She couldn’t do this. She needed to get out.

Get out.

Get out.

**GET OUT.**

_No... I can do this._

“And you hurt me.”

Rey watched her words sink in, watched the way his eyes welled and his chin quivered just so when he opened his mouth to take in a shuddering breath. She felt a perverse sort of pleasure that the words that she loathed saying wounded him in turn. She still felt raw, but having someone there to share her pain (for once) helped soothe the sting in a way she had never expected.

Maybe, just this once, she could be as brave as she always had to pretend to be.

“Don’t do it again.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this little piece of angsty Reylo trash! I’m mulling over the idea of turning it into a nonsequential series... maybe try to write something happy for a change? Let me know what you think!
> 
> <3 Lindsey


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